Gentle Coltrane for Caskett
by Mr.Mellow
Summary: Kate said she feels magic when she hears Coltrane. Here are some more vignettes based on songs primarily from "The Gentle Side of John Coltrane." Some spoilers for various episodes noted at the beginning of each vignette.
1. Soul Eyes

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", this is from his album "The Gentle Side of John Coltrane". While there is not a vocalist this song on the album, there are lyrics to the songs.

These vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This song is "Soul Eyes" by Mal Waldron. You can hear the song as played by the Coltrane quartet on YouTube.

watch?v=GoYAGNLqFwg

There is a version with by Mal Waldron and Jeanne Lee, vocals on YouTube also.

watch?v=hl7fnSPx87I

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

* * *

><p><em>A soul, I'm told<em>

_Can be both hot and cold_

_But how is one to know_

_Just which way to go?_

* * *

><p>AN: 4x01 Rise

Rick Castle contemplated the tumbler of scotch he had in his hand. The cut crystal reflected and scattered the light from his desk lamp around on the papers. Colors of the rainbow moved across the papers as Castle shifted the glass in his hands.

"The reviews of 'Heat Rises' are pretty good," Rick thought.

He looked at his computer browser at some of the links his publicist, Paula had sent him. He had another email from his ex-wife and publisher, Gina with more links to reviews. Both were beside themselves because of the publicity.

"It is gratifying that the majority of the reviews are positive," Castle thought.

His mind wasn't on Nikki Heat right now. His mind was on a gorgeous brunette with fiery hazel eyes that sat beside him on some playground swings a few days ago. A woman who implied that she would be ready for something more once she solved her mother's murder. A relationship that he so desperately desired.

But he also thought about the phone call he received. The mysterious caller told him in order to keep her alive, he had to prevent her from investigating her mother's murder.

"I'm damned either way I go," he thought.

He looked at his now empty tumbler. Smiling wistfully, he walked over to the cabinet with the scotch.

Pouring another two fingers, he thought, "There must be a third way."

Pondering the tumbler and then looking out his window to the evening sky illuminating the city. The clouds were reflected in the steel and mirrored windows on the buildings nearby. Oranges, blues, violets and reds splashed across the sky and edifices. Lights were coming on and starting to lighten the darkening streets below. The sun going down meant that 'the city that never sleeps' was getting ready for its fun shift. Daytime meant work time for New Yorkers, nighttime meant party time.

But for Rick, nighttime didn't mean party time anymore, now it only meant he had helped keep Kate alive for another day. He had hope for another day.

Rick looked at his laptop, the cursor pulsing in the open empty document. It was almost taunting him 'write something'.

But now, he had nothing.

He was twisted in knots.

He could almost see a generic little girl with a daisy, pulling petals off saying," loves me, loves me not …" until the flower was denuded of petals. The little girl hoping that the on and off of love is positively, happily predicted by the flower.

He realizes that he is that little girl hoping that his love is requited. Is accepted. Is returned.

The sun finally retreating, allowing the darkness to penetrate. Castle sat in partial darkness, the desk lamp futilely holding back his office's gloom. Beyond the lamp's puny glow, the lights outside cast thin streams illuminating the rest of the loft.

"I did this to both of us, didn't I?" he ruefully thought. "If I hadn't gone to 'Dr. Death' and asked him to look at Kate's mother's murder, she wouldn't have been shot. She wouldn't now be threatened and maybe … just maybe I would have a chance with her."

He pondered for a moment. Then he shook his head.

"Her mother's murder is what defines her, what drives her. And until she finishes the job, solves the case, she won't move on. She'll remain in limbo. And now … now I am stuck in limbo, too."

* * *

><p><em>The soul is mirrored in the eyes<em>

_But how can I be sure_

_When the whole world is filled with such lies?_

* * *

><p>AN: 4x23 Always

Kate walked out of the twelfth precinct with her duffle of things, her mother's elephants, and the other personal items from her desk. She walked a couple of blocks to the subway station to take the train to her apartment.

More zombie-like than human, she sat in the subway car thinking of where she is in life, the stations passing every couple of minutes until she reached her stop. She walked the short block distance to her apartment and went up the stairs. She was too keyed up to wait for the elevator and needed to burn off the nervous energy she had.

Beckett didn't stay long in the apartment, her mind going too fast to be confined to the four walls. She felt like that woman in the picture in her living room, buffeted by winds she could not control, holding on to her hat, the only thing that she could control.

Her adrenaline finally started to wane, she could think a little more clearly.

Kate walked through the city aimless. Thinking about her mortality. Thinking about how close to death she came. How this was the second time she flirted with death after a big argument with Castle. How Castle kept her grounded.

How he was always able to help her.

He always brought her coffee.

He always …

Always.

Their word that was so full of subtext.

Always.

Their word that meant so much more.

Always.

The word that when he said it, he stopped and looked directly into her eyes.

The word that she said because she was scared to say more.

She knew it meant more from her.

She thought she could see it in his azure blue eyes.

That he meant more.

He loved her.

He said it when she was bleeding out on the green, green grass at the cemetery.

"Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate."

He told her he kept clues on her mother's murder from her because of it.

"Because I love you! But you know that. You've known that about a year."

But after she essentially rejected his impassioned plea and, more importantly, his love, she wondered if he could forgive her.

Was his love big enough to overcome her shortsighted rejection? His love big enough to overlook, to break through her single-minded focus on her mother's murder.

She found herself at the swings outside that bookstore. The bookstore where she told him to "make it out to Kate" after being away with no contact for three months. Where they talked in more subtext unable to tell the other how they really felt.

She sat down in one swing, holding the chains.

It had started raining during her walk, now it was pouring down. Raining down, washing away … all her sins, perhaps?

She had sinned.

Sinned against Castle. Her partner. Her more than a partner. Her friend. Her one-and-done maybe? Conceivably, her always.

She looked at the empty swing beside her. Where Castle sat. Where he listened. Where he spoke in subtext that he would be patient. Is he patient still?

* * *

><p><em>So darling <em>

_Watch those sighs _

_And even more those eyes_

_And when you see them smile_

_For a long, long while_

_Then you'll know you've found the one_

_Who will always be true_

_I know that's how I found you_

* * *

><p>AN: 7x06 The Time of Our Lives

After seeing the Justice of the Peace off, Castle noticed his new father-in-law standing by himself and went over.

Shaking Jim Beckett's hand Castle said, "Jim, thank you for coming on such short notice."

"My pleasure, Rick," he responded. "I wouldn't think of being anywhere else."

They both turned toward where the ladies were congregated. The three most important women in Rick's life were together, his mother, his daughter and his wife. He was glad to see them gathered in such a joyful time after the difficult circumstance they had been through from this summer's fiasco. Martha, Alexis and Kate were talking animatedly with big smiles on the three of them, the biggest was on Kate of course.

Smiling at his new wife, he said to his new father-in-law, "I know this was sudden, but the case we just finished made me think. About leaving Kate at the altar, about how I hurt all of us, and how important Kate is to me. I wanted … I wanted to get past all of that. And the best way I knew how was to just do it. Just be where we should have been last summer. Married."

Turning away from the three ladies, Jim put his hand on his son-in-law's shoulder, "Rick, I may not totally understand your other reasons. But I understand the main one. I see how you look at Kate. I've seen that look before … well sorta. The look you have on your face is the look I had when I looked at Johanna. The look of pure, unadulterated ardor."

As if on cue, Kate looked over at the two men standing, but really she only saw one. Her new husband. Her big beaming smile softened. A demure smile crossed her face and her eyes glowed. Jim glanced at Castle and saw the same glowing look in his new son-in-law's eyes returned to his daughter.

"You should go to your bride," Jim said knowingly.

Shaking his head as if waking from a daze, turning to Jim, Castle said, "Sorry, Jim, I didn't mean to be so rude."

"No, no, Rick. I understand perfectly. You're in that newlywed bubble where all manner of things could happen around you and you don't notice."

Taking his arm and pushing him toward Kate, Jim continued, "Please, Rick. She's waiting. Mustn't keep your wife waiting. Don't want to start out on the wrong foot."

Chuckling Rick said, "No, I don't."

Starting to walk to Kate, Rick turned to Jim with a pondering look, "Jim, thank you also for being so understanding about … everything. I don't know if I would be as understanding for Alexis's intended."

"Rick, you're a good father. You would do anything for your daughter even if you may question her intended. And maybe question her judgment," Jim teased.

Rick smiled acknowledging the joke.

Jim continued, "Although I've had more than my share of failings, I'd like to think that I'm a good father, too. I know I'd do anything for Katie."

Rick strode toward his bride pulling her close as he reached her.

"May I have another dance, Mrs. Castle?"

"Another?" Kate responded.

"Yes, it gives me another opportunity to hold you close."

"Well, then, by all means."


	2. My Little Brown Book

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", these vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This is from his compilation album "The Gentile Side of John Coltrane" and originally on "Duke Ellington and John Coltrane". While there is not a vocalist on this version, there are lyrics to the songs.

This song is "My Little Brown Book" by Billy Strayhorn. You can hear the song as played by Duke Ellington and John Coltrane on YouTube.

watch?v=_XcaFsmqKeg

There is an Aretha Franklin version with vocals on YouTube also.

watch?v=Yb7jnNA57iM

This is the 5th song on the compilation album. I have previously written about the album's 2nd song, "What's New" and the 4th song, "Nancy (with the Laughing Face)" in my series "More Coltrane for Caskett". I haven't found lyrics to the third song on the album, "Welcome".

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

Transcriptions from scriptline dot livejournal dot com

* * *

><p>My little brown book<p>

With the silver binding

How it keeps reminding me

Of a memory that's haunting me

* * *

><p>AN: 2x12 A Rose For Everafter

"He's a good man, Kyra," Rick said to his first true love. "He's an honorable man."

Kyra Blaine looked at Rick Castle with wistful sadness, wondering about what could have been.

"And he loves you," Rick continued.

"I know." Kyra responded softly.

They both knew that that kiss on the rooftop last night was just a harkening back to where they both were long ago. A remembrance of their youth, of their immaturity. Of when she inspired him to write his next best-seller. Of once being a young couple in love.

But now that kiss wouldn't last. It couldn't sustain a relationship anymore.

It was time to finally let the past and each other go.

"And I love him, too," said Kyra.

She paused looking down at Rick's hands.

"That does not mean that I'm not going to think about you from time to time."

"You better," Rick answered.

They both knew that they would always have an affection, a love for one another that no one else would understand. A small part of each other's heart that would remain the other's until the day they died.

Kyra stood, collecting her coat and purse.

"Of all the murders in all the cities at all the weddings, and you walk into mine," Kyra said misquoting her namesake as she looked down at the still seated Rick.

"I'm glad I did," Rick answers.

Wistfully smiling, Kyra leans down and kisses Rick on his cheek.

"Thank you, Rick."

Putting her hand on his shoulder and giving a gentle squeeze with the unsaid "good-bye", she then turns and walks to Detective Beckett's desk outside the conference room.

Rick remained seated at the table, twirling the Flip camera with the exculpatory evidence of Kyra's fiancé, thinking about the past times with Kyra. He could see out of the corner of his eye, Kyra walking up to Beckett and saying something he couldn't hear. Then she turned and walked to the elevator leaving a pensive author still twirling the camera.

This was the second time Kyra walked out of his life.

Rick sat there thinking about the bittersweet memory of that last dance in Grand Central Station. And how now, she not only reminded him of their good memories, now Kyra gave him closure.

* * *

><p>In some quiet nook<p>

I go through its pages

And peruse this ageless tale

Of the love that failed

To ever become true

* * *

><p>AN: After 2x24 A Deadly Game

Rick Castle sat in his office in front of his laptop. He could look out the window and see the beach from his Hamptons house. The distraction of the surf and the sun and the beach called to him, but Gina wanted a new chapter today before she would let him out to play. He had procrastinated for long enough. He needed to put something into the open file.

They had worked on refining the outline for the second Nikki Heat book, "Naked Heat", the previous evening. He had felt the juices flowing for the creation, the writing. Gina and Rick had bandied different vignettes that could be sprinkled through the novel. But now, after a couple of more pleasurable rounds with Gina and then sleeping on it, the thread, the thoughts, the ideas left him.

Rick stared at the blinking cursor on the open document. No words poured forth from his fingers.

The cursor continued blinking, taunting him.

"Type something," the silent cursor mocked.

But nothing came forth.

Today, like the past two days since they arrived here at the house in the Hamptons, while there was light, Gina planned on working down by the pool. Here she found a way to combine business with pleasure.

Castle could hear her coming as the pricy flip-flops slapped her heels. She waltzed through the office with a skimpy bikini and a sheer wrap like a blonde goddess, teasing Rick with her sensuality.

"Uh uh uh," she said to Rick as he tried to grab at her to pull her into his lap. "I want a chapter by the end of the day. No playing until then."

His eyes downcast, Rick had a nearly pouting look on his face.

Gina kissed him and gently patted his chest. "I promise we'll play later," Gina followed seeing his disappointment.

"Rick, look at me," she said with an almost sorrowful look.

Rick raised his head, looking directly into Gina's eyes.

"I'm looking forward to playing with you," she said giving him a sultry look. "Later."

Rick smiled back and then looked down on his laptop. He started typing some gibberish to appear to be working, placating Gina.

She turned, her long blonde hair and her sheer wrap billowing behind her as she walked toward the door to the pool and beach beyond. In one hand was a beach bag with a towel peeking out and her cell phone, her other, a laptop bag.

"Even on vacation, she works," Rick thought. "Nose to the grindstone, I guess. But that is what makes her so good. And, at least now, she isn't all work. She's mixing business with pleasure," he thought smiling. "And last night definitely was a pleasure."

Turning away from the laptop, he pondered where he was emotionally.

"Being back with Gina is comfortable," Castle thought. "Our phone call the other day helped open up the lines again. Not like Beckett. She was closed off to me from the beginning. Hated me, didn't want me interfering with her investigations, her life."

He paused in contemplation, tapping his chin. "We're trying to do this again. At least we both know what we're getting into. I hope we can avoid our mistakes from last time."

Castle glanced around the room. To his right was the picture window looking out to the porch, the grassy backyard and beyond was the beach. Through the window he could see Gina walking down the pathway to the pool; her blonde hair billowing behind her. In front of him was a sitting area and beyond that was the big screen TV that he watched some of the pros and played video games. To his left was the bookcase, actually a wall full of bookcase with a rolling library ladder. In front of the bookcase was an easel with Nikki Heat cover art selections for "Naked Heat."

In front of him was his desk. Different from the one in the loft, this desk was somehow softer, calmer, keeping with the décor. Vacation homes at the beach shouldn't have very utilitarian looking furniture, his decorator had told him. Something more organic, more subtle, less overwhelmingly masculine like his desk in the loft.

He trusted his decorator and she had made an excellent selection. The desk was lighter, more airy than the loft's massive desk.

Though keeping with the décor, the desk didn't do anything about that taunting cursor on the laptop in the middle of it. The laptop cursor that continued to blink at him.

He punched at the backspace key so much and so hard that he thought he would almost break it. Soon he again had a blank file.

He hunched forward in his chair running his hands through his hair. He was massaging his scalp as if that would bring forth the words that he was missing. The words that would push Nikki and Rook's story forward. The works that would give the red herrings and the clues to finish and solve the case. The words that would make Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook more of a couple.

Standing up abruptly, sending his desk chair rolling away, he paced away from that awful, jeering cursor. He wandered the room looking at the various knick-knacks scattered on tables around the room. Finally he stood directly in front of the easel staring at the silhouette of Nikki Heat.

Looking at the books, he scanned for something to that would catch his eye. Then he saw an inspiration.

"Maybe something from 'The Bard' will spur something," Rick thought.

He picks up his copy of 'The Complete Works of William Shakespeare' and opens it to a random page.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate:

"No," Rick thought. "Too trite, too often used."

He opens it again to a random page.

From the east to western Ind,

No jewel is like Rosalind

Her worth, being mounted on the wind,

Through all the world bears Rosalind.

All the pictures fairest lin'd

Are but black to Rosalind.

Let no face be kept in mind

But the fair of Rosalind.

"Now that sounds like a lover's missive," Rick thought. "Luckily, 'As You Like It' is not a tragedy like 'Romeo and Juliet'. Though at this juncture, I think Orlando has not won Rosalind's heart yet."

He paused thinking about the last time he saw 'As You Like It' performed. He recalled the actress who played Rosalind could have been Nikki Heat and the actor playing Orlando could have been Jameson Rook.

"Hmm," he thought. "Maybe there is something there I can use for their love story."

* * *

><p>On this page is the date<p>

Of that fateful night at eight

When we found we were no longer in love

After that there's nothing more

Just a dark and futile door

That shuts out the stars above

* * *

><p>AN 4x23 Always

Rick wanted to slam the door to Kate's apartment but he controlled his anger and just quietly closed it behind him. Not wanting to wait for the elevator, he quickly went to the stairs. Hastily down the flights of stairs to the lobby, he opened the door to the spring afternoon.

"I've grown to hate Kate's apartment," Rick thought walking away from Kate's apartment building. "Our most difficult times, our biggest fights always seem to happen there."

Rick walked to the corner and then hailed a cab. After a moment, a cab stopped in front of him. He got in and gave the loft's address. Without a backward glance he thought he probably would never see Kate or that apartment again.

"Come to think of it, I have hated that apartment from the beginning." Rick thought. "After her other apartment blew up, she stayed at the loft for about a week, I think. I remember it felt like she was rejecting my hospitality, rejecting me when she suddenly found this apartment and moved out."

He thought of some of the key things that happened there. The argument from a year ago. Just before she was shot.

"Alright, you know what? I don't know what we are. We kiss, and then we never talk about it. We nearly die frozen in each other's arms, but we never talk about it. So, no, I got no clue what we are. I know I don't want to see you throw your life away."

"Yeah, well, last time I checked, it was my life, not your personal jungle gym. And for the past three years, I have been running around with the school's funniest kid, and it's not enough."

"You know what? This isn't about your mother's case anymore. This is about you needing a place to hide. Because you've been chasing this thing so long, you're afraid to find out who you are without it."

"You don't know me, Castle. You think you do, but you don't."

"I know you crawled inside your mother's murder and didn't come out. I know you hide there, the same way you hide in these nowhere relationships with men you don't love. You could be happy, Kate. You deserve to be happy. But you're afraid."

"You know what we are, Castle? We are over. Now get out."

Looking out the cab window, watching the city pass, he ponders where he is in life. He was tired of the playboy image that Gina and Paula foisted on him to sell books. He was tired of it when a beautiful NYPD detective with the gorgeous eyes crashed his Derrick Storm book launch party four years ago. She changed his life. He didn't want to go back to that playboy way. Slowly but surely, Kate had made him want to be a better man, worthy of the extraordinary woman she is.

His imaginings of being a husband and father again were now over. Now, there is no way that Beckett, after this fight, will let him near her. And Beckett has ruined him for any other woman.

He had this dream of seeing Beckett in a white dress walking down an aisle like Jenny was only a few months ago.

He recalled what she said as they entered the cathedral on his arm.

"Well, who knows, Castle? Maybe third time's a charm."

Like maybe in the future he and she could be standing there like Kevin and Jenny were then, in front of an altar reciting vows to each other.

He dreamed of starting a family with her, making Alexis a big sister. But now, all that, that vision lays in ruins. The ruins that he had hoped would be her walls only ended up being his dreams.

Then he remembers the last words he thinks he will ever say to her.

"You can throw it away if you want, but I'm not gonna stick around and watch you. So this is, uh…over. I'm done."

Choking back a sob, inhaling deeply he thinks, "Beckett has rejected me at every turn. She rejected me at the beginning. She rejected me in minor ways that whole first year you were shadowing her. If she hadn't suddenly moved out after apartment blew up I wouldn't done that actress on the rebound. I wouldn't have been played by Ellie Monroe. I wouldn't have dreamed of bringing Ellie home if Beckett was still in the guest bedroom."

Getting angry, he thought, "She rejected your hospitality so she could date Demming. Date anybody but Castle."

Castle paused in his thoughts, seeing a couple, the man with his arm around the woman. Convinced that he would never see that with Beckett, he continued his thoughts.

"Then she rejected my invitation to the Hamptons. So I rebound with Gina."

Pausing, he leans his head back against the headrest.

"While she isn't a cheater, she could have at least acknowledged what I was offering in LA. She could have said something about that kiss to distract the guard. About us almost freezing to death in each other's arms."

"She has rejected me now," he sadly concludes.

He is getting angrier as he thinks of the times Beckett has rejected him as a paramour.

"But no, I'm just side show entertainment for her. She said, 'You make my job a little more fun,' '… the school's funniest kid …'" Rick thinks sarcastically. "I may occasionally help her solve murders, but that and the comic relief are the only things I mean to her."

He pauses with a realization, "That's why I hate her apartment. It's a physical representation of all of Beckett's rejection of me."

He balls his hands into a fist and pounds on his leg.

"Damn," he thinks. "Now I understand exactly how Rick Blaine felt in 'Casablanca'."

He pictures that famous scene of Rick Blaine and Sam. The searchlights coming in through the windows of Rick's Café Américain. A bottle of whiskey mostly gone. A full ashtray with a lit cigarette.

Rick pounding the table with his fist.

"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world … she walks into mine."

"Ilsa broke him. Just like Kate has broken me," he thought acerbically. "I now have something in common with my namesake, the women we love have destroyed us."

Finally, he remembers he needs to be home for Alexis. Writing that valedictory speech has got her tied in knots. He tempers his emotions. Getting control. Steeling himself. He is glad traffic is bad and the cab ride is not swift to give him time to calm himself and regain his composure.

After clearing his mind by watching the passing buildings and people, he starts thinking again calmly but sadly.

"I have failed in my mission to keep Kate alive," he thought gloomily. "Derrick Storm … hell, Rick Blaine would probably mock me about now. Not completing my mission."

His heart breaks with the knowledge that the next phone call he gets from Ryan or Esposito will probably be "Beckett is dead."

"I need to ignore calls from the 12th until after Alexis' graduation," he decides. "Get her through the ceremony and then … maybe then I'll be ready to face what happens."

Looking at the glow from the setting sun reflected off of the buildings, he thinks, "It's obvious. Her mother's murder is more important than anything or anyone. And her walls I thought were coming down are as strong as ever. The love I thought I saw in her eyes was just my imagination."

* * *

><p>My little brown book<p>

I inscribed your heart vows

But since we're apart

Now this and that last sweet kiss

Is all that's left of you

Is all that's left of you

* * *

><p>AN: 4x21 Headhunters

"You're upset," said Dr. Carter Burke to the agitated woman standing in front of him.

He perused Kate Beckett for signs that she was relapsing, but her tension was not related to her PTSD.  
>"No. Yes. Okay? Fine. Yes. I thought that the two of us were actually getting closer together and now it seems like he's just pulling away."<br>Pacing back and forth, Kate is desperately trying to understand what is happening with Castle.  
>"Have you asked him why?" asked Burke probing Beckett, hoping to help her come to grips with the situation.<br>"Yes. And he said, "Oh, everything is fine," she responds sarcastically.  
>Burke smiles at Beckett's mocking imitation.<br>"What makes you think it isn't?" Burke asks.  
>"Because he's acting like a complete jackass!" Beckett answers agitated. "He shows up at the precinct with these bimbos hanging on his arm, and now he's running around with another cop!"<br>"Is this other cop a woman?" Burke continues.  
>"No! No. What? Why would you even ask that?" Beckett responds.<br>Burke responds with a sardonic grin. "A typical woman would only be jealous of another woman," Burke thinks. "But Kate Beckett is not a typical woman, is she?"

While persistently pacing around the room Beckett continues, "That's not even the point. The point is I don't understand why he's acting like this. I mean, what did I do?"  
>Taking another tack, Dr. Burke asks, "Well, maybe from his point of view, the question is, 'What didn't you do?'"<br>Stopping her pacing dead Kate looks at Dr. Burke and asks uncomprehendingly, "Wait, what? W-what do you mean?"

Burke resumes, "When you were shot, Castle said that he loved you. How long ago was that?"  
>"Seven months ago. But I wasn't ready to hear that then …"<br>Pressing on Burke probes, "What do you think he's telling you with his behavior?"  
>"That…maybe he's not there anymore, that maybe he's not ready?" She responds.<p>

Beckett finally comes to a recognition of what has happened between her and Castle. She sighs resigned, stopping her pacing around the room she sits on the arm of her chair.  
>"What if I waited too long?" She sadly, rhetorically asks.<br>"You weren't waiting, Kate," says Burke. "You were healing."  
>"Yeah, but then in the meantime, he's moved on."<br>"Or he's protecting himself by not taking more emotional risks," Burke says trying to look at the more positive side.  
>"So then, what do I do?"<br>"What do you want to do?"

* * *

><p>Walking into her apartment after her session with Dr. Burke, Kate ponders all what was said. Especially the main question he asked her.<p>

"What do you want to do?"

Going to her bedroom, throwing her keys on the nightstand, she sees a book. One of his books. One by her favorite author. A book by the man who has followed her for four years. The man who told her he loved her.

She still hears him now, even though she was in such pain at the time laying on that green, green grass. She cannot forget, it was branded into her psyche.

"Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate."

She sobs as she plops down sitting on her bed.

She picks up the book on her nightstand and opens it to the dedication.

"To the extraordinary KB and all my friends at the twelfth"

"I have waited too long," she moaned. "Because of my mother's murder and my healing, I made him wait too long."

Putting her hand over her mouth, she starts weeping at the loss. The loss of the man who at one time wholeheartedly loved her.

"My healing … hah … my healing," she thinks. "If I had called him while I was healing and said I needed him, he would come. He would come to dad's cabin. I know now that he would have helped me heal. My walls kept him away."

Kate's tears fall, staining the dedication page in "Heat Wave" where he signed underneath.

He wrote:

Kate,

I meant it.

You are extraordinary.

Rick

Just like he meant what he said in the cemetery seven months ago. She cried more as she realized that he had probably loved her from the time before the first book.

She had kept him at arm's length for four years. Protecting her heart behind her walls.

"Great, Kate, only now when he is pulling away, do you realize how much he means to you. How much you want him. How much you need him," she sobbed. "How much … how much you … you lo … lo … him."

* * *

><p>AN: Thanks for reading!


	3. In a Sentimental Mood

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", these vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This is from his compilation album "The Gentile Side of John Coltrane". This song is originally from the album "Duke Ellington and John Coltrane". While there is not a vocalist on this song, there are lyrics to the songs.

This song is "In A Sentimental Mood" by Duke Ellington. You can hear the song as played by the John Coltrane and Duke Ellington on YouTube.

watch?v=sR13ECD71xU

There is a version with the great Ella Fitzgerald vocals on YouTube also.

watch?v=1gOij0El_IY

This is the 11th song on the compilation album/CD. I have previously written about the 7th song, "Lush Life" and the 9th song, "My One and Only Love", in my fanfiction "Coltrane from Rick to Kate." I haven't found lyrics to the 6th song, "Wise One", the 8th song, "Alabama", or the 10th song, "After the Rain" which are Coltrane originals.

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

Transcriptions from scriptline dot livejournal dot com.

* * *

><p><em>In a sentimental mood<br>__I can__ see the stars come through my room  
>While your loving <em>_attitude__  
>Is like a flame that lights the gloom<em>

* * *

><p>AN: 5x01 After the Storm

Kate told Rick that even though she was on suspension, she was still going to appointments with her therapist. She still felt she needed to go though she was paying for them out of her own pocket.

"I still need to talk some things through, but I think I am about where I want to be."

"Kate. I'm glad you did the work. You are so strong now. I am so in awe of you."

She leaned in and kissed him. Unlike previous times when Kate kissed him, Rick did not try to heighten the kiss.

Kate looked at him questioningly.

"Kate, I … uhm," Rick stammered.

"What, Castle?" Kate said in a teasing tone. "Did I come on too strong?"

"Well, Kate, uhm"

"Spit it out, Castle." Kate said exasperated.

"Could I come with you to your next appointment? I would like to meet your therapist."

"Castle."

"No, uh no, I don't want to sit in. I just want to meet him," Castle countered.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay. Castle, you can come," Kate answered. "I don't understand why though. Why do you want to meet Dr. Burke?"

"Well, I …"

"Castle."

"It's kinda personal."

"Rick, we have seen each other naked. We have been having sex. If we are going to be lovers, or more. I think I'd like to be more, by the way. Do you think secrets are a good idea?" Kate asked.

"No, Kate, I don't," Rick responded. "Our secrets that we revealed over a week ago almost broke us irreparably. So no, I don't think secrets between lovers is33 a good idea."

Beckett looked at Castle as if to say "I'm waiting."

"Kate, I'll tell you after the appointment, okay?"

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Okay, Castle, if you want to come you can. I won't object. And if you don't want to tell me why right now, that is okay, too."

"Thanks. When?"

"Tomorrow afternoon."

"Okay," Castle responded. "I've got to go to Black Pawn for a while today. But I'll clear everything so I can go with you tomorrow."

* * *

><p>Castle fidgeted as he rode in the cab with Beckett. Beside him was a satchel that he held tightly, keeping it away from Beckett so that she couldn't see what was in it. She looked over at her partner, her lover, her 'one and done' perhaps. She then looked down on their entwined hands, feeling the tingle of the new loving relationship they had. He didn't look back at her. He was looking everywhere but at her. But he didn't pull away when she sought his hand. In fact, he held her hand firmly.<p>

He remained silent while the cab made its way to Dr. Burke's office. Kate felt no need to break the silence. She was deep in thought about the major changes that had come over her life in the past several weeks.

She came very close to death again.

The person who shot her at Montgomery's funeral was discovered and now dead.

She found out who killed her mother.

She concluded what she wanted to do.

She wanted Castle.

She went to him and he forgave her for discarding his love for her mother's murder.

They were lovers now, reveling in the newness of their relationship.

The pair, lost in thought, hands still entwined, did not realize that they had arrived until the cabbie grunted. Castle paid the driver and then escorted Beckett to the office building lobby. Silently, they went into Burke's empty waiting room and sat down next to each other still holding on to each other's hands as if the other would disappear if they let go. Dr. Burke emerged shortly after and went over to Kate. The pair stood up.

"Hello, Kate," Burke said shaking her hand. "It is good to see you."

"Thank you doctor," Kate responded. "You, too."

She paused looking over at Castle, preparing to introduce him.

"Rick Castle," Castle said putting out his hand. "It's good to meet you sir."

Burke shook Rick's hand, "It's good to finally meet you, too. Kate has told me a lot about you."

"Not all bad, I hope," Castle said jokingly.

Burke chuckled, "No, not all bad."

There was a moment of awkward silence while Castle opened the satchel and handed Burke a book.

"Sorry," Castle said. "I was taught that when someone does something incredible for you, it should be acknowledged. I couldn't think of anything else on short notice so … uh … here, this is an advance copy of 'Frozen Heat'."

Burke looked at him questioningly, wondering what incredible thing he did for this man he had never met before. Then it dawned on him and a smile came to his face.

"You're welcome, Rick."

"I'll be going now," Rick said.

He kissed Kate and then said, "Dinner later? Call me."

"I will, Castle."

As Castle left, Burke escorted Beckett into his office.

"Obviously, you have resolved some things with Mr. Castle." Burke said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

* * *

><p>Dr. Burke completed his notes on the latest session with Kate. He cringed at her description of the battle she had with her adversary on the roof of the hotel. She described the fallout from that battle and her subsequent realization that she wanted Castle more than solving her mother's murder. He was satisfied with her progress and felt that she had achieved the goals she had laid out when they started their post-psych eval sessions. They discussed what was next for her. He told her that while she could schedule an appointment at any time, he felt there was not a continued need for semi-regular meetings.<p>

Finally putting down his pen and closing the file folder to put it into his cabinet, he noticed the gift book that Castle left for him. 'Frozen Heat' was at the top of the cover with 'Richard Castle' at the bottom. On the cover he saw a silhouette of a woman with a gun.

Burke opened the book and went to the dedication page.

To all the remarkable,

maddening, challenging,

frustrating people who inspire us

to do great things

Burke chuckled at the words there thinking that Castle obviously meant Beckett with this dedication. Below the dedication was a hand written note.

Dr. Burke,

Words cannot express how grateful

I am for all the help you have given us.

All I can say is

Thank you

Rick Castle

* * *

><p><em>On the wings of every kiss<br>Drifts a melody so strange and sweet  
>In this sentimental bliss<br>You make my paradise complete  
><em>

* * *

><p>AN: 5x02 Cloudy With a Chance of Murder

After completion of her administrative leave, Detective Kate Beckett prepares for her first day back on the job as part of NYPD. In her bedroom sits Rick Castle, her new boyfriend now that Beckett has finally realized her feelings for the author. She steps in front of the mirror in a flowery, semi-sheer blouse and looks herself over while Castle hands her a cup of coffee.

"Castle, what do you think of this one?" Kate asks.

Looking her over Rick says, "Mmm. Sexy."

"Sexy? What do you mean by sexy?"

"I mean… Well, I … I mean sexy. Yeah, sexy. What's wrong with sexy?" Castle responded incredulously.

"Oh, god, Castle. This is my first day back at work. I'm supposed to look normal."

"No one is going to be able to tell that we're together by how you are dressed," Castle says trying to be helpful.

Beckett opens her armoire to change her shirt, "Oh, no? I only work with a roomful of detectives. It's their job."

Beckett takes off her first blouse and pulls out a plain white collared shirt. Putting it on and closing it without buttoning the blouse, she asks, "What about this one?"

Shaking his head, Castle says, "No."

Kate sighs in frustration and turns back to her closet to find another blouse. Smiling, eyeing his stunning, half naked, girlfriend, Castle waits and watches.

Finally realizing Castle's game, Beckett pauses and turns back around. Glaring at Castle, she says, "You just want me to take my shirt off again, don't you?"

Trying for an innocent incredulous look, "What?"

While buttoning up her shirt, Beckett says, "Stop it. I told you, the NYPD has a strict policy about coworkers … dating."

"Yes, but since I'm not getting paid, technically we're not coworkers," Castle helpfully responds.

"Oh, really? And you think that Captain Gates is gonna see it that way? If anyone finds out, and she gets wind of it—"

Castle interrupts, "No one is going to find out. I haven't even told my mother or Alexis."

"Yeah, that's because they're in Europe celebrating her graduation."

"Yes, true. But I haven't told them long distance. Look, no one is going to find out."

Beckett's cell beeps with an incoming text.

"But just to be safe, you might want to change out of those pants," Rick suggests as he pulls Kate close.

Kate checks her phone to see what the text was. "Oh, there's a murder uptown."

"Damn," Castle thinks. "No way are we going to have more playtime."

"And looks like the pants stay on," Castle says sadly.

As she puts her arms around Castle's shoulders and he folds his hands behind her back, Beckett says, "Castle, remember, act normal. And when we're in public, you're single and I'm single. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Thanks."

Leaning in, she kisses Rick.

"Wow," she says happily as she grabs her jacket and walks to the door.

"So that's a no to carpooling then?" Castle asks.

She turns to him giving him a Beckett glare before she leaves the room.

"I'll take a cab."

* * *

><p><em>Rose petals seem to fall<br>It's all I could dream to call you mine  
>My heart's a lighter thing<br>Since you made this night a thing divine_

* * *

><p>AN: After 5:02 Cloudy With a Chance of Murder

It was girl's night out for Kate and Lanie. While she didn't want to leave Rick alone, he said that he would be at home, writing notes on the recently closed case, waiting for her.

Lanie suggested that they meet somewhere other than 'The Old Haunt' thinking that it would be less likely Ryan, Esposito or some other member of the 12th would run into them. So here Kate was, still in her work clothes, sitting in a booth waiting for Lanie.

A couple of guys tried to pick her up, but she gently told them all that she was meeting someone.

Finally, Lanie showed up and sat down at the table.

"Sorry I'm late, Kate," said Lanie apologetically. "I helped Perlmutter on a body and it was …"

Kate held up her hand as if "say no more."

"It's okay Lanie. Believe me, I understand"

Kate had ordered a drink for Lanie when she texted she was on her way. The red wine in their glasses glistened in the dim lights of the tavern.

"Cheers," Kate said raising her glass and taking a sip.

After sipping, Lanie put her glass down and said, "Okay, spill."

"What?"

"You may be putting on a show for the boys but Kate, tell me, did you finally come to your senses and got your freak on with 'writer boy'? Hmm?"

"What ARE you talking about Lanie?" Kate asked as she hid her smile behind her wine glass.

"Kate Beckett! I see that smile. You did, didn't you? You did the deed?" Lanie cried.

Kate put her glass down and just smiled at Lanie.

"You did! I want details! Well maybe not all the gory details, but details none the less."

"Okay, okay, Lanie," Kate chuckled. "Let me get some more liquid encouragement."

Kate took a large sip of her wine, then said, "Right before Esposito and I were suspended, Rick and I had a big fight."

"I remember," Lanie helpfully added.

"We fought about several things, one of which was he knew I remembered."

"Oh my, Kate."

"That is why he was acting weird the last month or so. He overheard me while I was interrogating a suspect during the Boylan Plaza bombing case."

"What did he hear?"

"He heard me say that I remembered every minute of my shooting. When he told me he loved me. He thought I didn't feel the same," Kate said sadly.

"Oh, sweetie," Lanie said as she touched her friend's arm.

"He was keeping a secret from me, too. He was in contact with an old friend of Captain Montgomery's. Montgomery sent this friend a file on my mother's murder. Apparently all the incriminating evidence against the kingpin was in that file. This friend made a deal but for the deal to work, to keep me safe, Castle had to keep me away from my mother's case."

"And you got mad at him for hiding this?" Lanie asked knowing the answer.

Kate nodded. "I was furious. I asked him how he could do this, keep this from me. That's when I found out he knew I remembered. He said he did it because he loved me and that I knew that he loved me, that I heard him."

Kate took another sip of wine, then said, "The people behind my mother's murder were the ones behind Orlando Costas' murder, too. They were trying to get Montgomery's files. Castle tried to stop me from going after them but I went headlong into battle. He said he couldn't stay and watch, so he left. I guess he thought I was rejecting his love … rejecting him in favor of my mother's murder."

"Weren't …"

They stopped talking when the waitress came by. Once she was out of earshot getting refills for them, they continued.

"Weren't you?"

"Looking back, I can see it now. But at the time, I didn't see it until …"

"Until what, Kate?"

"Did … did Espo tell you what happened that day?"

"No, I … I haven't talked with him much lately. Pretty much since we broke up," Lanie added unhappily.

Kate nodded. "We found out where he was so Espo and I went after the guy who shot me. We didn't tell Gates and we didn't have backup. He got the jump on Espo and me. I followed him to the roof. I fought him, but he was ex-special forces. He tossed me around like a rag doll."

Lanie gasped.

"I went to tackle him but he grabbed me and threw me. I ended up hanging by my fingers on the edge of the building. I would have died if Ryan and some uniforms hadn't pulled me to safety."

"Oh my."

"While I was hanging there, all I could think about was Castle. Not my mother's murder. Not the guy who shot me and threw me off the roof. Nothing but Castle."

"That was a 'shock to the system', wasn't it?" Lanie asked.

Kate smiled, "My dad says my mom used to say that 'sometimes you get a wakeup call gently and sometimes you get a two-by-four right between the eyes'."

Lanie smiled back at her friend.

Before Kate could continue, the waitress brought their second round of wine.

"Here's to friends coming to their senses," Lanie toasted. "And two-by-fours."

"Thanks, Lanie," Kate smiled as she took a sip of wine.

"Sooo?"

"Ok, well, I was distraught. I lost my job and I lost Castle. I went to those swings where last year I essentially asked him to wait for me. I sat on one swing staring at the one beside me while the rain was coming down. It was pouring."

"I think I remember that night. Was that the night Alexis graduated?"

Kate nodded. "She was giving a valedictory speech. Castle was … is so proud of her."

Kate paused taking another sip of wine.

"I sat there getting soaked, wondering what I should do… what I could say to Castle. I resolved to go to Castle's loft and apologize. I hoped he would forgive me. I went to his door dripping. You should have seen him, Lanie. He was so angry at me."

Lanie took a sip, then asked, "And then?"

"I apologized. I explained that I just wanted him."

Kate paused taking another sip of wine.

"Well, go on," Lanie urged.

"He accepted my apology," Kate said, hiding her smile behind her glass.

"Kate Beckett! You CAN'T leave me hanging."

"Okay. Okay. We started making out against his door. Then I dragged him to his bedroom."

"I'm glad for you, Kate," Lanie smiled. "So, from the smile on your face, there have been repeat performances?"

"Three rounds that first night," Kate grinned. "And lots more since then."

"You do have a glow, Kate," Lanie smiled back at her friend. "I told you so in the morgue."

"It's been very nice, Lanie. Oh, by the way Lanie, you need to call him 'writer man' from now on," Kate beamed.

"Kate Beckett!"

* * *

><p><em>In a sentimental mood<br>I'm within a world so heavenly  
>For I never dreamt that you'd be <em>

_Loving sentimental me_

* * *

><p>AN: 7x06: Time of Our Lives

Hand-in-hand, Rick and Kate walked their family members to the waiting limousine everyone still in a glow from the beautiful marriage ceremony. Martha and Alexis on one side of the car with Kate while Rick and Jim were on the other.

Alexis hugged Kate and said, "Take care of my dad."

"I will, always."

Rick shook Jim's hand saying, "Thanks again for coming. And thank you for being so understanding."

"You're welcome, Rick. Anything for Katie," Jim responded.

Kate hugged Martha saying, "We'll see you tomorrow at the loft."

"Kate, I cannot imagine a better woman for my son than you. I know his heart is safe with you."

"Thank you, Martha."

Their mind link working, Rick and Kate switched sides of the car.

As Rick walked to the other side, Alexis hugged her dad, "You be good."

"Who's the parent here?" Rick teased.

Still embracing, Alexis looked up at her dad and teased, "I am."

Rick said smiling, "I love you, Pumpkin."

"I love you, too, dad."

He released Alexis as she entered the limo.

Looking back up at his mother, he said, "Thanks for helping set this up. This made the both of us very happy."

"Sure thing, kiddo," Martha replied.

Silently they hugged and then she sat in the limo beside Alexis.

"See you tomorrow," Rick said closing the limo door.

Kate hugged her dad on the other side of the car.

"Katie, I know she is happy for you. She would be so proud. Just like I am," said Jim.

"I felt mom's presence, dad. I think she would be happy for me, too. I know I am so happy."

"You're positively glowing, Katie. The last time I remember seeing someone glowing as much as you was when Johanna was walking down the aisle toward me."

"Thanks, dad. That means a lot to me."

Releasing each other, Jim and Kate silently looked at each other. Jim leaned in, kissing Kate on the cheek. He turned and then entered the limo, the driver shutting the door.

Alexis and Martha turned in the back seat and waved at the couple through the back window.

The newlyweds stood arm-in-arm as they waved to the town car taking Jim, Alexis and Martha back to the city.

Turning to reenter the house, Castle stopped Kate with his hand. Kate looked at him questioningly. Rick opened the door and then picked up Kate bridal style. He entered the foyer and kicked the door closed.

Kate leaned up, pulled his head to her with both her hands and kissed him before saying, "Babe, please put me down. I don't want you to hurt your back on your wedding night. I have other plans for you tonight that require a fully functioning back."

"Hmm," Rick said pondering as he put Kate back down on the floor. Standing together, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for another steamy kiss.

Breaking apart to breathe, Rick and Kate pressed their foreheads together. Panting slightly, they stood there serenely in each other's embrace. The quiet of the house broken only by their breaths. They turned to go up the stairs and then Kate's stomach growled loudly.

Kate put her hand to her mouth to hide her smile. "Sorry," she said grinning. "I guess I need something to eat before we ravish each other."

Rick removed his tuxedo jacket as he entered into the kitchen. In no time he whipped up a repast for them both to tide them over until morning.

* * *

><p>After consummating their marriage, they lay in bed, the glow from the fireplace melding with their post-coital afterglow. Kate lay her head on Castle's right shoulder, Kate's right hand tracing lazy patterns on his chest.<p>

"I can hear you thinking, Kate," Rick said smiling.

Snuggling into Rick's side, her hand pulling Rick into a hug, she says, "I can't believe how happy I feel right now. I feel that I could almost float away, I feel so light."

Kissing the top of her head, inhaling the cherry scent he has grown to love, he quietly says, "I feel it, too."

They lay in silence for a moment, Rick's hand gently caressing Kate's naked back.

"Mmm," Kate purrs. "That feels good."

"I love touching you, Kate. I can feel an almost electric tingle when our skin touches."

"Mmhmm, me, too."

"Part of me wonders what our old selves would think if they saw us now. You know, when you crashed my "Storm Fall" book party."

"They would see two very happy people, not hiding behind our walls."

"I suppose you're right, I was hidden behind my wall, too. I was playing at being an arrogant playboy when you met me there."

"A man-child, emphasis on the child," Kate teasingly added.

Rick chuckles, "I suppose you're right."

"Suppose?"

"Okay, you're right. But what changed your mind about me?"

"I saw the man behind the playboy façade. How good a father and son you are. As much as you say Alexis is the parent, you had to be a pretty good father to raise such a young woman," Kate says lovingly.

"I'm glad you saw through the façade," Rick said as he kissed the top of Kate's head. "I have been dreaming about being here with you as my wife for a long time."

Pulling herself up to face Rick, Kate softly kisses him.

"Me, too. I love you, Rick."

"I love you, too, Kate."

She kisses him again and says, "Your wife is wondering if her husband is ready for round two?"

* * *

><p>AN: Thanks for reading!


	4. I Want to Talk About You

As Beckett said she "believes in the everyday magic of life in … the way that I feel when I hear Coltrane", this is from his compilation album "The Gentle Side of John Coltrane". While there is not a vocalist on this song from the album, there are lyrics to the songs.

These vignettes come to mind when I hear the songs as played by John Coltrane.

This song is "I Want to Talk About You" by Billy Eckstine. You can hear the song as played by the Coltrane quartet on YouTube.

watch?v=G4cQkkObYDY

There is a version with Billy Eckstine vocals on YouTube also.

watch?v=96DAcgmStS8

This is the last song on the compilation album/CD (#13). I haven't found lyrics to the 12th song on the album, "Dear Lord" which is a Coltrane original.

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC television. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended.

* * *

><p><em>Don't tell me about a night in June<em>

_Or a shady lane beneath the velvet moon_

_Don't tell me, 'cause I wanna talk about you._

* * *

><p>AN: 5x01 After the Storm

"Kate!" Rick said. "I found it! Look at this!"

"What Castle? What did you find that possibly could be so important you yelled across my apartment, disturbing my neighbors?"

"This," said Castle as he pointed to his laptop. On the screen was a picture of a beautiful beach cabana with white diaphanous curtains waving in a gentle breeze. Two chaise lounges were sitting in the light brown sand. Between them was a small table with an ice bucket and a bottle of champagne with two flute glasses. Beyond was the bluest ocean that Kate had ever seen. The sky had a few gentle puffy white clouds. The idyllic scene brought the scent of coconut sun tan lotion to Kate's mind.

"Can't you see us there? Relaxing, resting, leaving all the murders and mayhem we deal with behind us?"

"Castle, it is lovely, but I can't afford this, as much as I would like to. I have enough to get me through my suspension, but I can't drop 10 or 20 grand on airfare and lodging. I'm on a budget," Kate said resignedly.

"How about my treat?" Castle said. "I can afford it."

"Yes, I know you can. But, since NYPD has a strict policy against co-workers dating, you giving me a gift of this trip would have me up on an ethics inquiry at a minimum."

"Why?"

"Since we are 'officially' not dating, that trip would be considered a gift or gratuity. Any gift or gratuity of over a threshold is illegal for me to accept. In other words, it looks like a bribe, Castle."

"Oh," said Castle. "I'd never thought of that."

"Well, I have to Castle," Kate replied. "But it is sweet that you want to take me on an exotic vacation."

"I just figured getting out of town would be good for the both of us. We could get away from the stench of Bracken and all the other stuff going on right now. We could be just us, Rick and Kate, exploring a new phase of our relationship."

"New phase? Is that what the cool kids are calling it now?" Kate teased.

"Well, the way I see it, we've been dating for a couple of years now." Castle said somewhat smugly. "We're just taking the next step."

"Dating? A couple of years? Castle, we only started up a few nights ago. Since when have we been out on a date?" Kate said indignantly.

"Let me see … I remember going to dinner together at Remy's several times. And out for drinks many times. Oh, yeah, going to see "Forbidden Planet" at the Angelica. Going to that strip club where you wore that sheer dress. Ooh, that time we went dancing and you wore that sinfully short navy excuse of a dress." Castle paused and smiled thinking about that dress and how great Kate's legs looked. Every time she would push the Ferrari's clutch or brake, her dress would ride up high on her thighs.

"Castle!"

Shaking his head to clear the thought of Kate's lovely legs, Rick continued, "Hell, we started dating about four years ago. Remember, we went to the Metropolitan American Dance Theater Gala?"

"Castle, most of those were undercover operations. The others were just co-workers seeing each other after work."

"Uhuh. Co-workers? Huh, I don't recall, were Ryan and Esposito with us?" Castle questioned. "Wasn't it mostly just the two of us? Weren't you wearing a dress to many of them?"

Castle started counting on his fingers.

"Let me see. Seeing each other outside of work." He puts down one finger.

"Just the two of us." He puts down a second finger.

"Both of us dressed up." He puts down a third finger.

"Many were dinners together." He puts down a fourth finger.

"Or doing something enjoyable together … like dancing." He puts down his last finger.

"They're dates, Kate," Rick concluded.

"They weren't dates, Castle." Beckett rejoined.

"We didn't talk 'shop' all the time. We talked about Alexis. You told me about your family. We talked about our life outside of work. We talked about our hopes and dreams. We commiserated on trials in our lives. We were getting to know each other. Isn't that what dates are for, Beckett? Getting to know each other in an enjoyable situation?"

"Well. I guess so."

"So we have been dating for four years and now we've gotten intimate. 'Gone to the next phase' of our relationship."

"Arggh," Kate says shaking her head and turning away.

* * *

><p><em>Don't mention that waterfall<em>

_Or that shady nook where crickets softly call_

_Don't tell me, 'cause I wanna talk about you._

* * *

><p>AN: 5x21 The Squab and the Quail

Rick had been pondering the aftermath of the case of Erik Vaughn. He had a lot to think about.

He recalled his conversation with Martha.

_"Well … not totally committed." _

"_What do you mean?"_

_Martha held up her left hand. "Well, there isn't a ring on her finger, is there? Technically she's not really committed at all."_

He thought about what that meant. Of course, he knew it meant an engagement, marriage, family, the whole nine yards.

He had reservations. He had doubts.

Kate allowed Erik Vaughn to kiss her.

"Yeah," he thought. "Not exactly like finding Meredith in bed screwing her director while being married to me."

He still felt a little tinge of betrayal because of that kiss. And a little jealousy. Maybe a whole lot of jealousy.

"Mother is right," he resignedly thought. "I haven't put a ring on that finger like that Beyoncé song says. If I like it, I better put a ring on it."

He thought about his other failed marriage. It looked so good "on paper."

A marriage of a high powered publisher and a best-selling author, what could possibly go wrong? But it did and the ashes of that fiasco still linger in his psyche.

He told Beckett that it didn't matter they didn't make sense on paper.

He smiled as he thought of ESPN's Chris Berman. Many times on the sports highlight show, Berman would say something about one of the teams being superior to the other "on paper." Then Berman would follow with, "But, that's why they play the game!"

"Yeah," he thought. "That's why you live life, risk being hurt. Because that's why 'play the game' of life."

He thought some more about what Erik Vaughn said as he left the precinct.

_"You know … that's an extraordinary woman you have there."_

_ "I know."_

_ "Do you?"_

Castle knew she was extraordinary a long time ago. The first Nikki Heat book dedication declared that he thought Beckett was extraordinary. He knew she was extraordinary when he met her at that Derrick Storm book party almost 5 years ago. Looking back at the past several days, Rick could see that maybe Kate thought that Castle didn't feel she was extraordinary anymore. Maybe Beckett had reservations, too.

He decided that being a wordsmith and writing something would be too easy, too pedestrian. He needed to show Kate how much she meant to him.

* * *

><p>Kate had been staring at the same page in her book for the past half hour, not making it past the first paragraph on the page. Her thoughts were miles away. Her relationship with Castle appeared to be at a plateau. He wasn't interested in 'extracurricular activities' the other night. He was more interested in playing a video game with his online friend Patel.<p>

"In his defense," Kate thought. "I did hit him pretty cold. He was lost in his game to the point where he tunes everything out. He gets that way when he's writing, too."

Then she thought about Erik Vaughn. How he came on to her the way Castle did at the beginning. Of course, she was flattered by the attention, but it didn't change her feelings for Castle.

"It's just he hasn't really said much of anything about our relationship since that murdered priest case," Kate thought. "And then the things his ex-wife said, how Castle seems so open but is really closed off. How he doesn't talk about things."

She thought about the discussion with Erik in the hotel suite.

_"Is it serious?" He followed._

_Kate paused. "Yes. Yeah, you could say it is serious."_

"_But the truth is, you don't really know. Otherwise, you wouldn't have hesitated."_

"_No, it's just, oh, we've never really talked about it. That's all."_

"_Why not?" Eric pressed._

_Kate shook her head. "Just haven't."_

"_Then he's a fool." _

"_No, it's… it's just, it's complicated." Kate answered. _

_Eric continued to press. "Kate, there's nothing complicated about meeting a woman like you and knowing what to do."_

Kate pondered where she was and where she was going. Where their relationship was going. She liked the idea of a future with Castle but she wasn't sure he was.

Castle's feelings seemed to be a contradiction. He stayed with Kate when she stood on the bomb. He could have died, left Alexis fatherless and left Martha without her only child. But on this case, he acted like a petulant child. He was so jealous of Erik.

"He didn't trust me, did he?" Kate thought.

* * *

><p>"What is it Castle?" asked Beckett as she followed Castle into the study. "I was really comfortable on that couch."<p>

In front of Rick, there was a TV tray table with two lit candles, a long stemmed rose, a set of clippers and incongruously, a camo game controller.

Rick holds up his hand to stop Kate's questioning. "There's something I need to do. Something you need to see."

Rick picks up the clippers and the cord to the game controller. He proceeds to cut the cord.

"Wait … no, Ca … I didn't say I never want you to play your game again."

"No, don't worry, I have more cords. This is just symbolic," says Rick waving it away.

After putting down the clippers, he continues, "But, you're right. I've been taking you for granted. But no longer, tonight … it's all about me."

Beckett looks at him questioningly, "Shouldn't it be about me?"

"Nope. Tonight it's all about me … giving you a romantic full body massage," Rick says as he clicks his remote and a sensual electric guitar music starts to play.

Rick walks over to a dumbfounded Kate and kisses her.

"Castle," Kate whispered.

"Yeah."

"Where are we going?"

"To the bedroom," Rick answers as he turns and walks through the door. "Come on. You're going to love this."

* * *

><p><em>The moon and the stars, the objects on mars<em>

_Are things that we've talked of before_

_But your love for me was the question_

_Your answer throws back heaven's door, so_

* * *

><p>AN 6:01 Valkyrie

Kate had woken up with a start. She had heard a noise that disturbed her.

"It must have been Castle," she thought.

Kate glanced toward her nightstand. The pre-dawn glow of the sun softly, lazily lit the bedroom. Sleepily reaching for her phone with her left hand, she tapped the start button to see the time. The glow from the phone bathed her hand with enough light to see things around her. Then she noticed something different on her hand.

She held up her left hand to check to make sure that she wasn't still dreaming. Then she realized that she was staring at her left hand. More specifically, staring at the new addition to her hand on her left hand ring finger. The diamond ring sparkled in the light, the adjacent filigree adding to the aura around the centerpiece diamond.

"What a change in my life from 24 hours ago," she reflected. "I thought that Castle was through with me. I never expected this."

She started to think about the evening before. Walking toward the swings that they had so much history with. Where she asked him to wait for her. Where she thought about how she messed up their future while getting drenched in the rain. And how she felt she had messed up again so bad that she had broken them. Each time, Castle surpassed her expectations.

_Beckett walked from her car into the park. She sat in the swing beside Castle sitting the opposite way from him. A metaphor for where she felt they were. Going in opposite directions._

_Barely looking at Castle, Kate started, "I'm sorry … I shouldn't have kept secrets."_

_ Not looking back at Beckett, with a serious tone Castle responded, "It's who you are. You don't let people in. I've had to scratch and claw for every inch."_

_ "Castle , I …"_

_ Castle interrupted, "Please let me finish. … I've been doin' a lot of thinking about us, about our relationship. What we have. Where we're headed. I've decided I want more. We both deserve more."_

_ Beckett could barely choke out the words, "… I agree." _

_ "Here it comes," she thought sadly. "He's breaking up with me."_

_ "So whatever happens, whatever you decide …"_

_Rick quickly stands up as if to leave and then promptly goes down on one knee between the swings._

_Facing Beckett, holding up a ring, Castle asks, "Katherine Houghton Beckett … will you marry me?"_

_ Kate stood up in shock, "Oh my god. Oh my god, you're proposing."_

_ Rick stood up too, "Okay, you're surprised."_

_ "Of course I'm surprised. I thought you were breaking up with me."_

_ Confused, Rick asks, "By offering you a ring?"_

_ "You just, you were so serious."_

_ "Yeah. Of course I'm serious. This is the most serious thing I've ever done."_

_ Kate grabbed his head and pulled him in for a kiss._

_ "So that's a 'yes'?" smiling, Rick asked._

_ "No, wait."_

_ "No?"_

_ "No, no, no. Not no."_

_ "So yes?"_

_ "Uh."_

_ "Not yes?"_

_ "No, not not yes. I … uh."_

_ "You do know how this works, right?" Rick asked._

_ "There's something I have to tell you. I got the job."_

_ "In D.C.?"_

_ "Castle, I love you. But this is my shot. If I don't do this, I'll always regret it. Look, if this changes anything for you. If this changes the way that you feel …"_

_ Rick interrupted, "Kate, I'm not proposing to you to keep you here … or because I think I'm going to lose you. I'm proposing because I can't imagine my life without you. If that means that when things get difficult we have to figure them out, I'm willing to figure them out. Assuming you're willing to figure them out with me."_

_ Kate nodded and smiled, "Well in that case, Richard Edgar Alexander Rodgers Castle, yes, yes, I will marry you."_

_ Kate sighed as Rick slipped the ring on her finger._

_ "It's big," Kate said._

_ "You just have remarkably tiny fingers."_

_ Kate linked both of her hands in both of his saying, "We're going to be able to make this work, right?"_

_ "We're gonna be great. D.C. is gonna be great!" _

Touching her lips, she almost could still feel the kiss they had by their swings, sealing their engagement. The rest of her sated, tingling body could still feel the post engagement celebration they had afterward in bed.

She turned her head in her pillow, gazing at the broad bare back and neck of the man who proposed the evening before. She saw the gentle rise and fall of his breathing. Every so often Castle took a deep breath and let it out with a small snore.

"My fiancée," she mused. "Who would have thought? Lanie will be so surprised and excited. Heck, I'm excited."

She shook her head. "Oh my God, now I'm sounding like a teenage girl excited about going to prom with the handsome quarterback. This is so much more than that."

She turned her head again to look at Castle. Sliding closer to him, she nuzzled his neck breathing in his musky cologne scent that she adored. Wrapping her arm around his chest, she spooned in behind him.

"This wonderful, caring man who has waited for me, forgiven me, loved me, has now asked me to be his wife and if I would take him to be my husband."

She put her ear to his back to listen to the rise and fall of his breath.

Satisfied, she kissed his back and then gently rolled away from him to let him rest.

As she lay in the pre-dawn light, she thought about all the things that needed to be done.

"Packing, finding a place in D.C., getting a car," she thought.

Then, holding her hand up, looking at the ring again, she was lost in thought about their future together.

"Kate, is something wrong?" asked Rick still laying on his side.

"No … no, nothing," Kate said. "Sorry I woke you."

"That's okay. Just so you know, even when I'm asleep, my body reacts to you, Kate."

"Mhmm," Kate responded.

Rick rolled over, facing her in the bed, "Especially when you kiss me," he said as he kissed her back.

"Oh, is that right?" Kate teased.

"Yes, it is. And for disturbing me and waking me up I think I deserve something in return. Hmm, what do I want," tapping his lips, Castle suggestively smiled.

"I wonder," Kate responded rolling her eyes.

"I think I deserve some more post engagement celebration."

"You do, do you?"

"Yes, I do."

* * *

><p><em>Tell me, your love will be sincere,<em>

_Then my darling, you needn't ever fear_

_I love you and I wanna talk about you._

* * *

><p>AN 7:06 Time of Our Lives

Beckett lay on Castle's chest drawing a gentle pattern with her fingers. Castle matched her finger patterns with some of his own he was drawing on her back. Their post-coital glow cocooned them from the rest of the world.

Kate snuggled into Castle and purred.

"Kate?"

"Hmm?" Kate lazily responded.

"You know, I thought about this since the first time we kissed."

"What Castle, when I was all wet at your door? You're not talking about sex, are you? We had sex that same night. Or maybe you're thinking about us getting married?"

"Well, sex too, but no, being in a relationship, getting married," Castle answered.

"Mhmm," Kate purred.

"But Kate, that wasn't the first time we kissed."

"Hmm?"

"Yeah, it was long before that," Castle continued. "About a year and a half before."

At first Beckett was confused and then she smiled knowingly and said, "The guard."

"Yeah. The guard."

"But that was long before we got together," Kate said questioningly. She raised her head off of Castle's chest, looking in his eyes.

"Yeah, you were with doctor motorcycle boy at the time."

"How? What made you think we would get together?"

"You moaned when we kissed. And we could have kissed just once but you came in for seconds," Castle matter-of-factly said.

"But …" Beckett sputtered.

"No but, Kate. The way you kissed me, I could feel what you felt. That was no ordinary, stunt kiss. It meant something."

"It did?"

"Yes, it did. You may not have realized it. Or maybe you didn't want to realize it, but I felt it. I think you felt it, too."

"Felt what, Castle?"

"Felt that we should be together. That being with Josh was wrong," Castle answered.

"You felt all that from a 10 second kiss? Maybe you should write romance novels like Rook," Kate teased.

"Kate, you and I both know that Josh was just a safe choice, a nowhere relationship. You kicked me out of your apartment when I told you that."

"Yeah, I did," Kate sheepishly agreed.

"Remembering that kiss gave me hope. Hope that someday we would be more than partners, friends. Hope that someday we would be lovers."

"I'm glad it gave you some hope," Kate said with her eyes glowing at her new husband.

"Look where we are now," Castle said smiling. "We're here, in bed, in the Hamptons, after consummating our marriage, in our post-conjugal bliss."

"Yeah, we are."

"And from where I'm laying," Castle continued, "it's amazing. Extraordinary."

"It's extraordinary for me, too, Castle."

"It all started with that one kiss."

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading.<p>

Those of you that have taken time to review, thank you for your kind reviews.


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